I'm Back!

I like the idea of keeping a blog. Actually I LOVE the idea of keeping a blog. Usually every fall, the idea latches ahold of me again and I spend several weeks reading friend's back-to-school blog posts and dreaming of how THIS YEAR, I am going to chronicle our lives in a meaningful way. And then, life happens.  And happens. And happens.  And eventually even the knowledge that I have a blog sitting out in cyberspace somewhere becomes nothing but a distant memory......again.....until next fall.

So here it is October, and once again there were no witty posts to kick off the year, no back-to-school photos, no jumping on the school room "Not" Back-To-School Blog hop tour.

Unfortunately this year there was a good excuse, I've had health issues that have interfered with all my best-laid plans. And I have to say, that being sick for months at a time, SUCKS.  My empathy meter is however filled to the brim, and I have spent more time than ever before in prayers for those who have struggles worse than I.

If I pass anything along to my kids this year, I hope it's that. Because there is always someone who needs our prayers.

Oh man, it's that time of year again.  Even after 10 years of homeschooling it always sneaks up on me; I see that's it's curriculum week on on the “Not” Back-to-School Blog Hop and I start to PANIC!  Then, of course, I waste several days research curriculum again so I can finalize all the plans I've had in my head all summer but haven't committed to yet. The hard part of curriculum planning is not choosing what to use, it's eliminating what NOT to use.  Some woman buy shoes; I buy curriculum.

I'm only homeschooling 4 kids this year, but this summer brought a sweet 15-year-wonder to our family and she only decided to be homeschooled about a week ago. Yes, we gave her a choice since she has always been in public school and already had so much upheaval in her life.  Do we chart a course to use these next 3 years to the best advantage to get her ready for what lies ahead after high school, or plan a "safe" course that may allow her to re-enter public school next year if that is her wish???  Decisions, decisions.

To say I'm happy with her decision to be homeschooled is an understatement..... 

I will post our curriculum choices for this year and a tour of our learning room soon!

                                                              
                                                         


Maybe, just maybe, next year I'll be prepared in time to actually take part in the blog roll.

Mother's Day Homily

Good Evening, and I’d like to wish all of you moms out there a very Happy Mother’s Day!

My name is Mary Ann Smith, and I am happy to share a little of my journey with you this Mother’s Day.  Although, with as many times as I gave this talk last night in my sleep, I will admit, I was a little disappointed to wake up and discover that it wasn’t over yet. I haven’t spoken to a group in over 30 years, and I have a whole new appreciation now for our priests and deacons who do this every week!

I always wanted to be a mom.

When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with my dolls.  I even kept my baby bottles of water in the refrigerator.  I tried several times to convince my mom to let me set the alarm clock to midnight, so I could get up for a middle of the night feeding.  She always said no.  I even prayed at night that God would change my dolls into real babies.  Even though He didn’t answer my prayers then, I always knew He would someday bless me with children.

I met my husband, Mark, when I was 20, and we were married when I was 23.  I was eager to start our family right away.  I had several older friends who were already married with children, as well as friends who were expecting.  I dreamed of what it would be like to be pregnant.  I bought books on pregnancy and even planned what kind of delivery I wanted.  I made plans……but God had other plans.

A few years went by and there were no babies.  We were diagnosed with unspecified infertility.  If any of you have dealt with infertility, you know that unspecified infertility feels like a double whammy.  There is no answer.  There is no reason.  There is nothing to fix.  You are left in limbo.  Mother’s Day during this season of my life was a difficult day.

Mark and I pretty quickly decided that being parents was far more important to us than having a biological child.  We started the adoption process, and it wasn’t long until a beautiful baby boy was placed in my arms.  Life was perfect.  I dreamed about what life with this child would be like.  I dreamed about all the things we would do together, and the things he would accomplish as he grew.  I made plans……..but God had other plans.

Nathan’s head circumference stopped growing around 4 months of age and he was soon diagnosed as failure-to-thrive.  The next few years became year after year of diagnosis after diagnosis, as we went from specialist to specialist in an attempt to find answers.  It was a scary time, but there was still joy.  We were head-over-heels in love with this special child. 

Mark was working at the Amoco Oil Refinery in Whiting, Indiana when Nathan was born, and there was always the possibly that he could be transferred to another location.  I was willing to relocate, but I would pray, “God, Your will be done….but please don’t let it be Houston.”  God has a sense of humor.  I ended up falling absolutely in love with Houston and made some great friends there who I’m still very close to.  But little did I know, when I was praying not to go to Houston, that God had other plans for us.

A few years after we moved, we were ready to add to our family again.  We went through the lengthy home study process, again, and prepared for a new baby.  Our daughter Rachel was placed in my arms when she was 6 days old, and she was beautiful.  Life was perfect.  We did, however, get our first little taste of prejudice, as people would come up to us and ask us frequently what race she was.  Someone actually asked us, how she would be able to understand us, since we speak English and she is Hispanic.  Remember, she was only 6 days old when she came to us. Life went on and our family felt complete.  We had a boy and a girl.  So we did what most people do, we got rid of all the baby things. 

We were transferred back to the Chicago area when Rachel was 5 months old.  This time I cried buckets about leaving Houston.  It was supposed to be a temporary assignment of 12-18 months, and the company even offered to fly Mark back and forth every weekend, but we wanted to be together.  Figuring I could live anywhere for 18 months, I didn’t even go on the house hunting trip with Mark.  Well the joke’s on us, we’ve now been on this temporary assignment for over 15 years.  However, with no more adoption fees looming, we eventually built our “forever” house (which we are no longer living in) and started taking family vacations again.  I made plans for this next stage of our life.  I made plans…….but God had other plans.

We have been at St.Thomas for all of these 15 years, and I am so grateful that God led us to this special place which has been such a home to us, and has helped our faith life grow so much.  When we were new to the parish, we always sat in the back row; all the easier to make the frequent trips to the back when a little someone in our family got a little loud.  Or a lot loud.  One of the priests here convinced us to sit in the front row instead.  It took a lot of convincing.  Mark and I are both private people and don’t like being in the center of attention.  That’s still somewhat true; you can ask Lori how much convincing it took to get me up here today.  However, there were times, in those days, that a certain child brought us a lot of attention.  Little did we know that this was preparing us for something God had in store for us down the road.

There is a lot to having a special needs child that most people wouldn’t realize if they didn’t experience it themselves.  Nathan started school at age 3 with the school district.  Unfortunately, the kids who need stability the most, get it the least.  Their classroom is the first one to get moved when enrollment goes up, and the school needs the space.  Children with an individualized education plan are also strongly recommended to attend summer school, usually in another building with different teachers.  By the time Nathan was in 4^th grade, he was in his 14^th school, and only 2 of those schools changes occurred due to our moving.  At the beginning of 5^th grade, the school district determined that they could no longer meet Nathan’s educational needs, and offered a private placement—to whichever school had the first opening, possibly as far away as Winnetka, but told us not to worry because they would pay for a taxi.

This was how my journey into homeschooling was born.  I had enjoyed my time as room mom, and classroom volunteer, but I had also enjoyed my free time.  Homeschooling wasn’t even on my radar.  However, it has turned out to be a tremendous blessing to our life, and I’m grateful for the opportunities it has given our family.

Around this time, both Mark and I started to feel called to adopt again.  We couldn’t let go of the feeling that there were more children meant to be in our family.  Not only that, but we were both feeling the pull to adopt transracially.  We were scared.  We started learning more about race in this country.  We could no longer turn a blind eye to white privilege.  We worried about if we would be capable of raising a child of another race, and what their life would be like in a mixed-race family.  We prayed for God to help us discern what this meant for us and how we should proceed. The pull became stronger and stronger, and we went through the home study process for a 3^rd time.  Theodore was 2 months premature and came home to us around his original due date.  The moment Theo was placed in my arms it was love at first sight.  The term bouncing baby boy should have his picture under it in the dictionary.  There were times it was hard to hang on to him at church because he was bebopping to the music so much.  So now we would sit in the front pew and be the conspicuous rainbow family that everyone watched in church, as well as a conspicuous family everywhere we went.

A couple of years later it was time to go through the home study process again, and soon after, Gabriel joined our family.  It was a different experience for me to have little ones so close in age, but I had great older helpers that made life easier. With his funny facial expressions and easy laugh, Gabe has brought an immeasurable amount of joy to our life.  Once again, life was perfect.  We thought our family was complete.  So we again gave away all of our baby things, and this time started planning for retirement, or at least, a change in careers.  I start dreaming of this new stage in our life: what it would be like to have Mark not have to travel as much, where we would live, what hobbies I would have time for again. I even started planning a sewing business.  I made plans……but God had other plans.

Mark and I have both felt the pull that there is another child meant to be in our family.  We are currently going through the home study process for a 5^th time, (yes, you have to do it each and every time) and fixing up a nursery—again. Where will this journey take us? I have no idea.  I’m starting to learn (finally) that I might make plans…..and God may have other plans. It might be a bumpy ride at times, but it’s a joyous and fulfilling journey.

I know that Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for many.  There are woman out there, like me at one time, who wish to become mothers but cannot.  There are great heroes of Mother’s Day out there, birthmothers, who made the very painful decision of placing a child for adoption.  Frequently they don’t receive any support for their decision, and may even be ostracized from their family, all because they were brave enough to give their children this precious gift of life, instead of choosing the easy path of abortion.  Some of you may have lost children, and some of you may have lost your own mothers.  My mother passed on 10 years ago; my older children do not remember her and my younger children never knew her.  Sometimes, God’s plans are hard to understand.

In the gospel of Luke today we heard the story of the breaking of the bread.  The disciples were confused. They had hoped that Jesus would be the redeemer of Israel against the tyranny of Rome. They had expected the Messiah to be a political strong-man, a warrior, a conqueror.  Jesus’ violent death was not part of their plans.  They didn’t understand that Jesus came to establish the kingdom of heaven on earth, not a kingdom of this earth. They didn’t understand that Jesus would establish the kingdom by calling for a conversion of hearts, not by a call to arms.  The disciples had yet to understand the resurrection.

The disciples had plans…… but God had other plans.  Things may not have happened the way the disciples wanted or hoped, but God’s plans were greater than their plans, and the effects of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection were greater and farther reaching than the apostles could have imagined.

The greatest desire I have for my children, is that they spend their life always trying to discern God’s will for them, no matter what their own personal plans are for their life.  I pray that they will always turn to Him in prayer, in scripture, and especially in the breaking in the bread, the full presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I pray that they will always be open to the plans that God has for them.  It might be a bumpy ride, but it will be a joyous and fulfilling journey. 

Thank you.

Coming Soon